The other day while sitting in a classroom, waiting for my history class to begin, I was doodling and writing in one of my notebooks. While writing, I wrote out the phrase “Hobbit Vikings!” Since then I’ve kind of played with the idea, and come to really find it funny.
Before all you nay-sayers jump in, it’s at least vaguely plausible that the Stoors could have become Viking-esque in their lifestyle. From Wikipedia:
In their earliest recorded history the Stoors, like the other Hobbits, lived in the Vale of Anduin. They were a riverside people that dwelt in the Gladden Fields, and were fishermen. They were broader in build than the other Hobbits, and had large hands and feet. Among the Hobbits, the Stoors most resembled typical Men (for as Tolkien later says, Hobbits were properly an offshoot of Men rather than a separate race, though they themselves considered themselves separate).
Stoors were the only Hobbits who grew facial hair, and only some of them could at that. A habit which set them apart from the Harfoots who lived in the mountain foothills, and the Fallohides who lived in forests far to the north, was that many Stoors used boats, and could swim. They also wore boots.
The bold bits are my doing. So, they’re broad fellows, perhaps more similar in stature to dwarves than other hobbits. And, they swim and use boats. Already we’re getting a picture of (rather short!) Vikings, aren’t we?
And look at their location! Right on the Brandywine River, which they can use to get out to the sea. And, if they were feeling very rambunctious, they could strike out west from the Shire, kill the few Elves at the Grey Havens (silly Elves), and set up base there. The Gulf of Lune would be an excellent place to set up a basecamp to raid from!
To top all of this off, if there had been Hobbit Vikings, I’m sure they would’ve been more than happy to help out Frodo and Company. Instead of doing all that bloody walking (and walking, and walking, and walking…) East, the Company could have went West instead, to the Grey Havens. Hopped in a (small) longship or three, and down the west coast they go, straight to the Bay of Belfalas. Seeing as Viking vessels were faster than any other boats in the water, there wouldn’t have been any concern about Orcish sailors catching them. I can’t see a name on the river, but there seems to be a river south of Harondar, which drains into the sea. It goes right up to the southern bit of Mordor! Straight up the river, over the mountains, bing badda boom, and the Ring is no more. All with the aid of Hobbit Vikings. They could have even stopped off here and there along the coast, raiding for second breakfastes, elevensies, afternoon tea, etc.
And, as if you need any more convincing of this wonderful concept*, I give you a fearless Hobbit Viking:
Terrifying! I’m sure Sauron would have given up, just like that, upon seeing such a terrifying enemy.
* It’s silly. I know. Work with me here. 
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