My son is quickly nearing the age where he’s going to start asking big questions, like “where are we from?”, “why are we here?”, “what’s God”, etc. I’m faced with a problem which I’m unsure as to how to solve: what do I tell him?
I’ve long thought that indoctrinating small children with religion is not without its problems, as religion seems to me something that one should decide on for themselves. For something that can alter one’s life so much, it seems wrong to me to teach kids this way or that way from an early age. If we can get them to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, we can get them to believe in anything; to use the innocence, and frankly, gullibility of children to put them on whatever path the parent (or whoever) has chosen seems rather unfair to me.
But of course, I can certainly understand why this happens, particularly now that I’m in the position of the parent. You have to tell your kid(s) something, because rest assured, if you don’t, someone else will. But the big question is, what do we tell him? I consider myself Buddhist, but due to my feelings on the issue, I don’t really want to just say “this is it, kid; this is the way to be.” Buddhism is the choice I’ve made for myself, but I’m really not sure it’s my place to make that choice for him, nutty as that may sound coming from a parent. I’d introduce him to a variety of religions and let him decide, but at his age, I think all that would accomplish would be to confuse him – not to mention, I’d say most people I know would disown me for doing such a thing. 
While I may not agree with all of them, I can’t completely ignore social norms. I’m not sure how well it would go over in first grade if he went in and said that he’d decided to be Muslim or Hindu; we do, after all, live along the Bible Belt.
Then again, perhaps I’m agonizing over this for nothing. Perhaps, regardless of what we tell him, he’ll find his own way in his own time. I was raised in a Christian family, and I’m certainly not a Christian now. On the other hand, I’ve known people who were raised following one religious path or another, and it caused them endless trouble as an adult as they struggled to figure out their own beliefs and thoughts.
So, here I am. I’m in the position of needing to give guidance on this issue, but unsure as to what guidance I should give. Any ideas on this one?
Tags: All Entries, family, personal, questions, Religion
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Hello Josh,
It’s a matter of opinion of whether or not you were raised Christian, because there are so many beliefs under that umbrella. What I mean here is, that someone who celebrates Christmas and goes all out to buy gifts, and decorate the tree every year might claim that they are devout Christians, while some may scoff at the very nature of Christmas, and would rather celebrate Pentecost, as this being a day Jesus actually participated in. I can go on and on, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. I think as a parent, you have the responsibility to raise your children the way you want them to be raised, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc. You must give them direction at this young age, and when they reach an age where they are mature enough to make their own choices, then they will, just like you did.
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Perhaps this seems like a cop-out, but when it comes to big “Why” questions and how to answer them without starting up a bias, I like to go the “Different people believe different things.” route and list a few possibilities, one of which will be my own belief.
For me this situation tends to come up with my 12-years-younger step-brother and topics like politics or even different types of software/hardware, so of course it’s not quite identical to religious matters with one’s child.
I suppose the most important thing (moreso going forward when he actually considers things at a deeper level) is to make sure he knows he can disagree with you on these things without repercussion.
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Akhen –
I think as a parent, you have the responsibility to raise your children the way you want them to be raised, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc. You must give them direction at this young age, and when they reach an age where they are mature enough to make their own choices, then they will, just like you did.
The thing is, I don’t really have any preference in regards to what religion they practice, if any. I’d be quite fine with instilling morals in him without any doctrine attached. I think direction can be given on how to behave without necessarily saying “this is why we’re here.”
Slone – That seems like the way I’m likely to take. And certainly, he can disagree with me, at least on issues like this. Bed time is an entirely different affair, however.
As an aside… your avatar is disturbing. That hat *had* to come from eBay, right?
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