The First Step In Becoming a Satanist

October 19, 2008 | 5 comments

So, you want to become a Satanist, huh? Alright. I’ll help you get started. The first step is to learn how to spell Satan. I know – you’d think the first step would be learning about Satan, or sacrificing a black cat, or painting one of your fingernails red.

I have my reasons, though. Why is spelling the first step in becoming a Satanist? Well, I figure if you’re going to be a Satanist, you’ll want to occasionally let people know that Satan lives by tagging things with spraypaint. And you wouldn’t want to do what a fellow in my town did. Observe:

If you’re having trouble reading it due to the poor quality (my apologies – cellphone camera), it reads: Satin Lives. When spelled wrong, it loses something, don’t you think? I believe Johnny’s project next week is to tag the school building with “Polyester Lives.”

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  1. Fig’s avatar

    Fig on October 19, 2008 at 9:57 am

    Perhaps after Satin little Johnny will move on to Silk….

    Reply

  2. Joshua J. Slone’s avatar

    Joshua J. Slone on October 19, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Satin? Is he any relation to Lucifur?

    Reply

  3. zhayena’s avatar

    zhayena on October 19, 2008 at 10:22 am

    ..and lesson two should probably be to get the symbols right (satanists turns both the cross and the pentagram upside down)..

    But maybe this is an all new sect/ religion we don’t know about yet, where Satin lives.. :D

    Reply

  4. Edrei’s avatar

    Edrei on October 19, 2008 at 10:41 am

    If Satin is anything like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then I’ve only got one thing to say.

    Where do I sign up?

    Reply

  5. Ryan’s avatar

    Ryan on October 22, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    Satanists are like drug addicts, they’re idiots.

    Reply