Posting about not posting

I’d say most of the folks who read my blog regularly have noticed that the number of updates has grown much smaller and become less frequent. Indeed, if you just look at the number of posts per month on the archives page, you can see just how much the number of posts has plummeted. A breakdown of the number of posts since June:

• June: 28
• July: 22
• August: 10
• September: 9
• And October, counting this post, thus far, I’ve posted six times.

I’m not at all happy about this, and it has certainly not been intentional. So, what gives? That’s a good question; I don’t really know.

I haven’t lost the desire to write here; I hit the WordPress administration frequently with intentions of starting drafts, of writing about things that have been going on in my life, and… nothing happens. I look at the blank editing window for a bit, type a word or two which I don’t care much for, and then go on to other internet abodes. I’ve even taken up the oft-recommended habit of writing down my ideas on paper while away from the computer, so I’ll “have” them when the time comes to write up a post. That just adds another step in my currently broken routine: I stare at the editing window, look at my notes, type a few words, sigh, and bail out.

Yesterday I turned to those who are smarter and sexier than myself, my fellow 9rules members. They gave some good advice. Cas recommended that if I need a blogging break, make it official; put up a “gone fishing” (or in my case, probably “reading”) sign and let readers know I’ll be back in a week or two. Others recommended that I relax a bit. Beating myself up over the fact that I’m not blogging doesn’t help; it probably just exacerbates the problem. Perhaps I’ve also been overly hard on myself on what I’m writing about; I suppose not every post has to be a masterpiece. I also think that, in the back of my head, I’ve been really wanting to write lengthy posts about history; when those didn’t come to me right away, I felt that I couldn’t write anything at all. This being my personal blog, I thankfully have the freedom to write about whatever I want; mentally boxing myself in in regards to what I can write is more than a little silly. Special thanks in particular must be given to Kamigoroshi, who rightly pointed out that, on a personal blog, the very problem of not being able to write anything can be turned into a post; it was this advice which gave me the impetus to write this.

My plans, then, are pretty simple: relax, experience life, and not be so damn nitpicky about my own writing. I think I really need to focus on that last one, because I think being my “own worst critic” has been a major factor in my writing (or, lately, the lack thereof). I’m also going to relax on swinging the beat-stick; if I find that on a given day, I can’t write something, so be it. Hopefully putting these mindsets into place will help things run a bit more smoothly around here, and the number of posts will raise again. I’m sure, though, that if it does nothing else, it’ll help me feel a bit better. I’ve been positively bummed about my blog here lately.

Cheers to those who gave advice. You guys rock.