I’ve been a bit uncomfortable over the past month and a half on every Sunday. Why? I started taking my mom to church. She enjoys it a great deal; she literally looks forward to it all week. I think her going has helped her a great deal in coping with the death of my father last December. Obviously, I want to continue taking her.
When I started taking her, I sat with her during the service / sermon. It’s the contemporary service, and there’s some really good music played each week. Often, I’d “get something” from the sermon, even if I didn’t fully agree with their line of thinking. I’d be lying, however, if I said I was completely comfortable at church. While I know that it’s possible to be Christian Buddhist, I’m not. I don’t have any issues with the Christian faith really – it just doesn’t click with me. As I (tried) to explain it to my mom, I feel a bit like a vegetable that has been placed in the wrong pot. With my not buying into the Christian belief system, I just feel out of place in the church. One reason I feel out of place is that I feel that, in not telling everyone there, pastors included, that I’m not Christian, I feel as if I’m lying to them. An indirect lie, but a lie nonetheless. Furthermore, I’m finding that I often end up in difficult positions. For example, one of the pastors has repeatedly invited me to one of their weekly extracurricular activities. It’s clear she wants me to go, and everytime she’s brought it up, I’ve basically told her that I’d “think about it”. I don’t want to come out and say, “Sorry, but I have zero interest in attending; thanks for the offer anyway.”
My mom and a friend of hers advised me that if I feel like I’m lying to the pastors by not speaking up about my Buddhist practice, I should simply tell them. I mostly agree with them: I probably should just tell them about it and be done with it. There are a couple of reasons I’ve not done so already. First, in all honesty, I’m concerned that if I open up my mouth, the efforts of the pastors (and potentially the efforts of other members of the church) will be renewed and reinvigorated towards getting me to attend extracurricular activities, or perhaps one of their “People new to Christianity” classes. I just don’t want that to happen. I don’t need or want to be referred to any of those things; doing so will not convert me. I have no interest in being converted. If I wanted to explore the Christian faith further, I could and would do so on my own. The other reason for my not wanting to do this is that in a way, it’s an insult to them. “Yeah, I’m showing up here every week, bringing my mom to church, but personally, I don’t really believe what you folks are saying.” That’s not nice at all!
I guess what I’d like is to be able to let it be known that I’m not Christian; that I’d like to continue bringing my mom to Sunday’s service; that I respect their beliefs, but I don’t believe the same way, and that I generally don’t want to attend any “extra” stuff. That seems a bit greedy on my part though, and I realize that. What will probably end up happening is this: nothing will change, except my mindset. As a Buddhist friend of mine remarked, I should continue as I’ve been doing, taking her each Sunday. I should accept that it won’t be 100% comfortable – nothing in life is. And lastly, I could see it in the light of me putting myself in an uncomfortable situation to help ease the suffering of another, which I think is genuinely true (see above about my dad dying last December).
Any thoughts from Christians? From people of another faith?
Comments 16
Interesting that you’re so “respectful” of people of another faith, and yet you, the gentle Buddhist, have no compunction about insulting your fellow countrymen who have different political views… on a foreigner’s blog, no less. Now that’s not nice at all, and could even be construed as somewhat unpatriotic, by the less open-minded than you. Please understand that I’m not picking on you in particular… I simply came to your blog to see who would say something like, “Anyone supporting Bush needs to be reminded often of how bloody stupid he is.”…expecting to find a ranting liberal blog, raving about the far-right, you know? I was surprised after I had read a little bit about you that you would say something so blatantly judgmental and … mean.
Posted 25 Oct 2006 at 10:37 pm ¶I’m not speaking for myself in any personal way… regardless of what I feel for Mr. Bush, he is my president and I have respect for the position, if not the man. I’m simply tired of seeing Americans bashing other Americans. You know the old saying, “A house divided against itself cannot stand”. I just wanted to point out the seeming inconsistencies between what you’re saying and…what you’re saying.
That’s all.
Meowkaat:
Touché.
You’re right; I got a bit caught up on my biases at Cas’s blog. Despite my pure dislike of President Bush and his administrations’ policies, making a blanket statement that anyone who voted for him is stupid was in poor taste.
So: I’m sorry.
Posted 25 Oct 2006 at 11:08 pm ¶I don’t know about politics, but I think it’s just a stick in the mud.
Look into your inner man, that’s where it counts. Christianity is more of a relationship than a religion (‘religion’ is more offensive than the f-word these days) and too often misinterpreted and abused.
Ultimately you have to decide if it’s right. Even indecision is a decision.
Posted 26 Oct 2006 at 1:49 am ¶I am also uncomfortable with the Christian belief system, as you so aptly put it. I don’t attend any church, but sometimes I regret not having the social aspect of it. My father is agnostic and we hardly went to church when I was growing up, but he now attends regularly, mostly because it’s a way to connect with people.
I wish there were more structured Buddhist “churches”, with events, social gatherings, lectures, sermons, balanced by some group meditation. I’d go to something like that.
Perhaps you can be honest with the minister, but still take your Mom, and then pracitce your own meditation during the service. You’re not lying, just doing your own thing.
Nice blog.
Posted 26 Oct 2006 at 11:23 am ¶D
Look, I’m back.
Posted 26 Oct 2006 at 11:32 am ¶So… here’s the thing. I used to be a big bible banger. I used to be “a lot” of things, including ultra conservative which is why I can see the division in our country so easily. But from my own experience in the church, they will think of you as a poor, misled soul. They will feel that it is their god-given duty to bring you “To Christ”. If you’re lucky, this will just mean they’ll add you to the weekly prayer chain. If you’re unlucky, this means they will try to “witness” to you at every conceivable opportunity.
Understand that they do this not out of arrogance, or any mean-spirited thing, but because they genuinely think they are SAVING you. It is commanded in the bible to do this, according to most Christians, and they genuinely think you are going to go to hell…. So you can see how your eternity sort of rests on their shoulders. If they don’t try to convert you, they will always feel responsible for your doom. It’s so twisted… but that is the reality of MOST Christian churches.
I have found that my best response is “I am searching for god. If Christianity is the answer, don’t you think I’ll come to it on my own? Get out of God’s way, my friend. ” …that usually shuts them up because otherwise they are saying god can’t convert you if he wants to.
Good luck, though.
David: I’d love if there was a Buddhist “church” around here with all of the services that most Christian churches offer. A friend of mine and I have actually just recently started a Buddhist study group. We’re only meeting once a month currently, but hopefully we’ll have more meetings, more often as the group grows. It’s no Buddhist church, but it’s better than nothin’.
BTW David, thanks for the compliment.
Meowkaat: That’s exactly what I was referring to, and I don’t want that to happen, lol. I understand where they’re coming from; I know it’s their “job” to save me.
But we dursn’t want be to saved, my precious… just leave us be, we’ll find the Ring on our own, thanks.
Thanks for the luck. Regardless of my choice, I’ll most likely need it.
Posted 26 Oct 2006 at 11:51 am ¶I’d say I’m in a similar situation. You’re not alone. I attend a church weekly with my wife. I even help them as a sound technician. I class myself as more Hindu than Buddhist, though I tend towards Advaita which is very similar and I take note of some Buddhist teachings. Same basic ideas, different pretty pictures. I’m technically agnostic.
Like you I feel that there is a little dishonesty by ommision. I’m also not comfortable with all of the things said or sung in the services.
Most people there will assume that I’m Christian. The clergy and people who know me know about my Hinduism. Debate can be interesting though in general we just get on. Sometimes I’ve wondered if I should compensate by making things more visible – as a Hindu that could be wearing a tilak (orange dot) or red string around the wrist (which people won’t recognise). I think that would just cause pain for some people so may be more trouble than it’s worth.
Some people do try to witness. Some people can get upset. I think in some people they are not doing so well. At the other end of the scale I’ve met some Christians who are quite happy for me taking the path that I am.
Something from Hinduism is the idea of Satya which means Truth, but also stands in my oppinion for things like openness and honesty. It can be difficult at times, but it often works well. One of the biggest challenges if you’re looking at Buddhism or Hinduism and live in a Christian world with a Christian family is having that openness there.
I wish you the best of luck in your ongoing practice.
Posted 13 Jun 2007 at 6:35 pm ¶Richard: Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling a bit out of place. You’re definitely right about this:
One of the biggest challenges if you’re looking at Buddhism or Hinduism and live in a Christian world with a Christian family is having that openness there.
Buddhism (and I would assume Hinduism, which I truthfully know next to nothing about) calls for truth and honesty… but I feel like being totally open about what I believe (or rather, what I DON’T believe) will cause a lot of discomfort. The preachers at my mom’s church know that I’m Buddhist and seem fine with it, but I think many of the people at the church knew, they’d be upset.
It’s a tricky situation to say the least.
Thanks for the luck. I wish you the same.
Posted 13 Jun 2007 at 8:24 pm ¶HI-I’m a follower of Jesus Christ, as the son of God. The Holy Spirit called me out of “going to church,” with all the shenanigans going on, and into a home meeting for 3 years. Now. he is calling me and my husband out of that so that He can “have us to Himself,” so to speak. I am hearing His voice and getting to know Him better and better, as a result. And I do believe, as God has said, that “if you seek Him that you will indeed find Him.” If your heart’s desire is to find God, He will not hide Himself from you. He hears you everytime you address Him, and He will answer you, in His time.
Posted 30 Jun 2007 at 8:06 pm ¶Hi Patti,
I’m glad your religious path is working for you. I’m not Christian, and I don’t believe in the Christian God, so your advice won’t work for me; but thanks anyway!
Posted 30 Jun 2007 at 8:43 pm ¶What I was trying to say is that I don’t feel obligated to “save” you as you and someone else mentioned. It is God’s responsiblity, and He is well able to do that. But I don’t think He violates our will in that, but He’s chosen to let us desire Him first, and He’s put that desire in us if we will respond to it. I don’t know anything about a “Christian God,” but just the one and only God, creator of the universe. All I am telling you is if you tap into your desire for God and seek Him, He will be found by you. Now, if you shut down the God-given knowing that He is true, than, you’re right, nothing will result from that. He will let us live in our delusions if we so choose, in fact, if we love unrighteousness more than the truth (His existence) than He, Himself, will send a strong delusion in our lives. I pray the fear of God for you.
Posted 01 Jul 2007 at 8:54 am ¶So, it’s not just that my choice of religious path is working for me, it’s whether or not I am walking the true path or not. I’m sure you know that truth is not subjective; if that were so, we in our imaginations could just create something we would feel good about. How deceitfulyl blind would that be?
Also, consider that “religion” (the church system) has presented God and His Son incorrectly or even harmful to growing close to Him. That may be some of your problem with “Christianity.” I agree with you, if that is part of your unbelief. But there is another way, and that is communicating to Him directly, as He desires, and then, He, the Spirit of truth, will lead you into all truth. What would be the harm in that? If He’s not true, He won’t show up or answer you. Now, if you play games with Him. He will know that, and could possibly choose to keep silent, also. What do you say, Josh? The choice is yours.
I say I’m going to continue not believing in any personal god (Christian or otherwise), and continue being Buddhist. The harm in seeking “Him” is that I don’t believe in “Him” (or “Her”, or “It”, if you want to be politically correct). If God exists and really wants me to believe, he knows where I’m at, supposedly, and he knows what it would take to convince me. Say, a glowing angel appearing with a signed letter from the Man himself, or perhaps a great booming voice. Some stirring of the emotions isn’t going to do it for me.
Until a solid “response” from this god appears, I’ll pass. If you call that “playing with god”, so be it.
Posted 02 Jul 2007 at 9:29 am ¶What about a sign that He stirred me to connect with you? He does work through his children. Someone commented on their website in reference to something I wrote that I had quasi-Buddhist leanings and that I was a mystic. I don’t really know what they meant, but whatever. That was just a sidebar. Anyway, if you’d like to read it, it is on LettersfromLeavers.com. They were asking people to share why they left the church system.
Posted 02 Jul 2007 at 5:01 pm ¶So, no, politically correctness is not part of my mode of operation so He is fine.
Josh, God does love you personally, and if you have a problem with that, I am wondering what your relationship with your Dad was/is? Many people react negatively to that hallmark and amazing truth because of childhood wounding in that area. It has been hard for me to open up and receive that love. It took going to India this past January so He could crack my heart and manifest His love to me. It was so powerful and yet gentle. But that’s another story.
You know, Josh, you could ask God for fireworks, ya know-no harm in that either.
Patti: I appreciate your convictions, but I’m sorry – they’re just not for me. Perhaps I’m too analytical. Perhaps it’s all just too fairy tale-like for me. Perhaps it’s because I think that human accomplishments come from human effort, perseverance, and other such traits, rather than some great power in the sky.
I don’t know what it is – hell, maybe it’s all of those things – but I can’t choose to ask God for anything, because by my standards and thoughts, God isn’t up there to ask. It’s like me trying to convince you to walk over to your closet and ask the blue, furry, 9 armed creature for a lolly pop. You don’t believe in the blue, furry, 9 armed creature, so I certainly can’t convince you to go ask him for a piece of candy.
Sorry.
Posted 02 Jul 2007 at 7:20 pm ¶Dear Patti, there are others subscribed to the comments RSS. At least try and make your comments interesting and fresh. You’re repeating yourself, the guy said no, And I Don’t Like Caps.
Josh, you can delete this comment if you think it’s butting in.
But there is a blue monster, ya know. It even comes in a furry version.
Posted 03 Jul 2007 at 12:59 am ¶Josh-I guess you didn’t get my comments in response to the blue, furry monster. I said that if I wanted a lollypop bad enough, I might try to ask him for one. And as far as human accomplishments, either yours or mine, they will eventually end because human effort and will is limited. Just know that, at that point, God is there.
Posted 03 Jul 2007 at 3:22 pm ¶Also, I wanted you to know that I, too am analytical.
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