I’ve been a very shy person for pretty much all of my life. While it’s tough to admit it, a lot of my school years were spent mostly in silence (at least while at school). Sure, I had some friends, but just one or two. I’m not saying that these friends were bad friends – far from it, they were all great. But what I am saying is, my shyness – my social anxiety, even – made it to where I felt like I simply couldn’t make new friends. What would I talk to them about? How would I start a conversation? What would I say? When thinking about such things, I’d basically freeze up. To make new friends, most of the time, I’d just have to walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. This was something that was simply beyond my ability. I couldn’t do it.
That was quite a few years ago, and things have slowly changed for me, particularly in the past few months. I don’t really know why. I think it may stem from my interest in and study of Buddhism; I think it’s helped me build up my self-confidence, and helped me learn to accept me for just me, instead of always worrying and over-analyzing things.
A few weeks ago I did something that I can honestly never remember doing. I was on campus about an hour early for class, walking around on campus, mostly just enjoying the weather. I decided I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn’t see anyone I knew. So, I picked someone out someone who was sitting off on their own, walked up, and just said hi. It sounds simple enough, right? It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I made it a point to stop before I said hi; I didn’t want it to just be a walk-by hi, with me continuing on my way. When I first said hi, she didn’t acknowledge me – I don’t really think she realized I was talking to her. I could have tucked tail and ran at that point, but instead, I just repeated hi again, louder. She looked up and kind of looked at me like “uhh, do I know you?” My response? “No, you don’t know me. Care if I sit down with you?”
To make a long story short, we ended up hitting it off quite nicely. We talked for the hour up until my class; I ran into her again after class, at which point we gabbed for another hour or so. I wouldn’t say we’ve become lifetime buddies or anything yet, but we have become decent friends. Even if we hadn’t, I’d still be stoked over the fact that I just walked up to a stranger and started a conversation. It was a hurdle I’d been wanting to jump over for a long while, but just couldn’t get the guts for. I’ve been able to easily talk to people that I’m already around (i.e., in a classroom, I can talk to folks near me easily enough), but I never could just walk up to someone I didn’t know and strike up a conversation.
It was a pretting awesome feeling. I was nervous as all hell, but it was still great.
Technorati Tags: communication, social, conversation
Comments 13
Awesome. Talking to “new people” is something I’m generally no good at, either.
Actually, I think that’s part of the reason I choose to do things like wear weird hats, or play portable game systems in public. It’s my way of saying “Hey, here is some weird thing I enjoy.” but without words. Then sometimes it gets someone else to strike up a conversation with me.
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 12:00 am ¶you know i can relate to post a lot. I used to be just like you as far as being quiet when i was in school. that if hard to get over without a lot of work at it. good for you for having faith in yourself!
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 7:11 am ¶Nice idea, Slone. However, having seen a few of your hats, I’m not sure if seeing such a thing on someone’s head would make me want to talk to them, or avoid them.
Particularly that multi-colored shiny.. thing.
hodgepodger: Yeah, it was really hard to do. It’s still not easy, but I’m getting better at it.
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 9:28 am ¶My honest congratulations to you! Talking to strangers and making friends: I never could have done that. Last week I went to the unniversity choir for the first time. I was afraid to go into the auditorium, although I knew there would be three colleagues, whom I like very much. But they hadn’t arrived yet, so I was afraid to walk into that room with all these strangers. I stood outside waiting for five minutes and then walked in, said: “I’m new” to the guy at the piano and sat down. I was so proud of me, when my colleagues arrived and I was already there.
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 11:04 am ¶Thanks Zeitlos. Congratulations to you also on overcoming your fears and just going in.
Marcel told me about you joining the choir. How do you like it so far?
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 12:39 pm ¶Thanks for the inspiring post, Josh! I’ve always had a bit of social anxiety, myself. I’m getting better about it, slowly but surely — I look forward to the day I can get myself to do something like you just did.
And on a completely unrelated note, I came across this cool documentary about time travel. I think you might find it interesting! Take a look: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5896048467372201322
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 2:05 pm ¶Great post – you do realize that you actually did it when commenting on my blog too?
It’s much easier in the internet though, not having to show yourself like in real life.
That’s what I like the most with the internet, people open up their minds much more – to each other!
Maybe it will spread a bit to their real lifes too…
Have a nice Friday evening
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 2:37 pm ¶LearningNerd: I’m glad you enjoyed the post. In regards to gettiing yourself to do it, I’d recommend following Nike’s phrase: Just do it. Cliche I know, but it’s true. If I had waited until I felt COMFORTABLE with what I was doing, I would have never done it. It really was like a bit jump. Once you clear it you’re alright; it’s just the actual jump that’s rough. Once I’d walked up and just started talking, everything was cool.
Mrs. Lifecruiser: Yeah, I know I did it on your blog.
I don’t have any problem at all communicating with new people on the net. It’s just in ‘real life’ that I start freezing up. 
Thanks for dropping by. I hope you have a nice Friday evening as well!
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 2:43 pm ¶Grats dude!
I have a bit of the same problem. Though if someone came up to me and started chatting me up, I wouldn’t even flinch, I’d jump right in the convo.
About the only “public” place I feel comfortable in is at work. I work at a college where at any given moment there are upwards of 8000 people on campus (give or take). I already know the staff/faculty and it’s relatively easy for me to talk to a student if need be (I don’t deal with them directly too much anymore). But get me outside of those walls and I have the same problem, I admire that you were able to chat it up.
Now the question on my mind is… was she cute?
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 10:13 pm ¶*shifty eyes*
Yup.
Posted 21 Oct 2006 at 1:17 am ¶I know your story you posted is a couple of years old but I just wanted to say thanks!
I have the exact same problem and finally want to do something about it – that story I can say inspired me to work at it a bit harder……
Posted 28 Dec 2008 at 4:33 pm ¶Hey Myk,
Glad the story was helpful. Best of luck.
Posted 28 Dec 2008 at 5:06 pm ¶hey Josh!!
Posted 15 Jan 2009 at 6:30 am ¶Thats an awesome story,very very inspirational…..though kinda scary to do:( ……guess nothing comes so easily huh!! its been a dream to over come this fear…. will try a little harder from now on…… thanks man!
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